The Seven Surefire Ways to Become an SEO Rockstar
If you do SEO and you’re wondering how to get to the top, then you’ve come to the right place. SEO is amongst the most glamorous industries in the world – throughout Hollywood actors are turning down scripts to learn the dark art of link building and how to auto-generate a sitemap. Oscar winning stardom? Screw that! Head straight to the top with the seven surefire ways to become an SEO rockstar!
#1 Be Really Really Young
If you’re older than 30 and have been doing this game since ‘before Google started’, then no one would like to hear from you. Instead, it’s a much better strategy to start link building at 18 months and writing your own .PHP framework by your 2nd birthday. Everyone loves a prodigy.
#2 Intern at an Agency
Don’t make the mistake of interning at a big money making agency that doesn’t appear frequently on the conference circuit. Instead, make sure you get in somewhere where every worker has got a few thousand followers on Twitter and will give you endless praise for your two weeks of making coffee.
#3 Set up a Blog
At this stage, you probably won’t have too much real world experience. That’s fine – do you think any Internet news reporters actually have experience in their field? Instead of blogging about real life experiences it’s best to curate other people’s opinion – they’ll be more than happy to tweet about their work.
#4 Repeat What Everyone Else Says
A lot of bloggers bore you to death with practical advice. Don’t be a me too blogger. Instead, say something new by using buzzwords – anything with the word “bait” in it will do. Best of all, say something is dead (SEO, if preferable, but the following are also good: link building, content, Facebook, the Internet, social media, Steve Jobs).
#5 Guest Blog
Not happy with just your own blog getting traffic? Sell your soul by appearing on third party blogs with the ambition of building links and kudos. Jump on the latest hype trend from Mashable and explain how it’s vaguely related to SEO because it can help you build links – that’s expert talk!
#6 Network Hard
Too young to drink beer? Never mind, you’ll still be allowed in the after party. SEO people love to ‘party’, so it’s important that you can drink your own body weight in beer. Better still, behave like an animal and live in infamy: jump on a table and strip bollock naked, swinging your pants in the air and shout, ‘Would you like to see my Page Wank?’
#7 Speak at a Conference
The final step, and the one where you’ll get the ultimate respect. If you speak, then by the time you’re ready for work you’ll have put three zeros onto your pay packet. The best topic to speak about is link building, because very few people have done it before. Tell people that link building is all about relationships and give 99 tips on outreach – preferably making them as unactionable irrelevant to your audience as possible. This is made of win. #win.
Here’s me, speaking at a conference. I’ve made it yo: